There is a city called Biella between Milan and Turin in Italy, and there is an institution called Idea University there. Diverse programs are always held there, and intellectuals from all over the world gather to work on workshops, conferences, creative activities, etc. I participated in the Idea University program in 2016.
I started painting at the age of 38, and when people began to buy my art, I decided to pursue a career as an artist. However, I was immediately plagued by a feeling of dissatisfaction.
In the environment I was in at the time, I felt that communicating with many people (even through art) was not satisfying. I was drained by the binary thinking, like the good versus evil in children's anime, the easy black and white ideologies, and the clear-cut "endings." I was also drained by the uncultured commercial atmosphere and the forced competition. How much the original artwork cost, how many prints to make and sell for how much, which galleries to schmooze with, and how to get to know key people... none of that was important to me, I didn't care anymore, I remember feeling that way.
However, I didn't have a constructive way to positively support that feeling.
I was ignorant. I craved stimulation and was eager to learn, and honestly, I was in a hurry. At the time, I deliberately avoided watching Hollywood movies at home, and only watched films whose conclusions were difficult to understand.
While watching those movies, I turned my attention to the outside world. Let's go to the places in the movies! I also started studying a new language. In consultation with my wife, I sought out interactions with people who had more knowledge than I did. And then I found Idea University in Biella, Italy.
There, we discussed the "concept of a circle" from various angles for a week. But I thought, 'I finally made it! Let's have fun!'... However, as soon as it started, there was no fun at all. I was overwhelmed by the talented participants, and I couldn't properly convey my own thoughts, let alone philosophical, conceptual, or cultural ideas. While learning from guest professors and being exposed to new perspectives, my own ignorance was revealed. For the first three days, I felt deeply ashamed, frustrated, and struggled. To compensate, I would ruminate on what I had learned and what I had said that day, and devour books every night. (I'll tell you an interesting story about that later!)
But I believe that the passion for acquiring knowledge and the sense of liberation I experienced then have become the foundation of my current art and life itself. While the warm-up for entering the art world began in the US, I feel that the art world expanded from that experience, from that place.
The root cause of "not feeling right" is "ignorance." I might have blamed my surroundings. Since then, when I don't feel right, I've decided to increase my learning. Therefore, blaming others is futile, and moving to a place of learning is absolutely essential, I believe from the bottom of my heart.
I want to continue focusing on placing myself in a location where I can freely choose to learn. (To that end, I also want to learn more languages.)