Seriously, I worked hard, I did my best! So there was a time when I wanted to believe, 'What I do and think has value.'
(Just writing this makes me feel tired...)
I remember a time when I heard the word "monetization" from people around me and wondered if I had to do it, struggling with it. But in the end, the only feeling that remained was suffocation for me.
First of all, if you try to monetize your own value, people who want to monetize it will try to devour it. This has actually happened both domestically and internationally. At that time, I realized that I couldn't do interesting art activities in a race against others like that (in my case).
If I think that what I do, what I say, and what I create, even if it's incredibly important to me, might be just a "Piece of shit" to others, I can quickly move on. (In the past, people stole my work, returned it covered in mud, or scribbled on it... well, that's how it is.)
There is only "one" lane on my race track. Only my lane is prepared. If I can keep winning against myself there (I don't know how to put it, but it's not about "trying hard"), even if it's a "Booby prize" in the eyes of the world, I am always the winner, the first prize, with the medal of having won against myself.
To embody something that makes me think, "Oh! This is interesting," to create it with "Alright!," and that's it. Next, FUCK IT, NEXT!
At such times, I strangely began to feel a sense of enjoying the cool evening breeze amidst a sudden shower.
