# 俺の貴重なDowntime 2
**Source:** https://taksanart.com/en/俺の貴重なdowntime-2
**Language:** English

---

I haven't written in a while. I'm not writing for anyone in particular, of course, haha. Painting is good, but writing helps me organize my thoughts, so I'm trying it.   
  
And, well, this Downtime, it comes to me at unexpected moments since childhood. When it visits, the Switch turns Off, and I basically do nothing, or become unable to do anything.

Lately (though I'm quite old now), I'm finally starting to understand the meaning and necessity of Downtime for myself. Perhaps I'm highly sensitive. Downtime has always come to me, from childhood to my youth. It was supposed to be Downtime to balance Input and Output, but I couldn't manage it well. I feel like I've lived by crushing Downtime with my 'youth' to meet the demands and expectations of those around me. At times, I even felt that having Downtime was 'wrong' or a 'sin'. (Simply not doing anything would lead to being scolded for 'slacking off'.)

So, I didn't understand the meaning of this Downtime that suddenly appeared, and I desperately tried to break out of it, which involved 'struggling'. Since I couldn't break out matter what, I escaped into alcohol because I hated that confusing state. I smoked cigarettes excessively, and wine bottles piled up beside my bed. That was exhausting.   
  
And then, while mistakenly believing that breaking out of Downtime meant entering a 'good state', I would belittle myself when I was in Downtime. Especially when Downtime was long. However, looking back at my past (statistically), I can see that the 'length' of Downtime that visited me was necessary for my state at the time. Sometimes it was short, sometimes long. It visits for the necessary amount of time, as needed for myself at that moment.

My wife says, 'Downtime is one element of your Productivity.' Exactly! It's like bending your knees to jump. I have my own sensitivity, absorbing various emotions and information. To unleash my art? My creativity? I need to bend my knees all the way. Therefore, I've always needed Downtime. I didn't know. I thought it was the enemy.

There was a time when I wondered why I had to go through such a troublesome thought cycle, but recently I saw an interesting person on YouTube, and I had a moment of validation (realizing, 'Ah, what I'm doing, others do too!'). That person was a professor at a famous overseas university, like a genius. They also spend hours staring at stains on the wall. And when I heard that, I felt like I had something similar and wanted to tell them so.

That person is that person, and I am me, but when it comes to Productivity for myself, as the characters suggest, there is a Process and training to create things/matters 24/7. The measure I took to streamline that productivity, Downtime, is perhaps the solution I unconsciously take. If I don't have this, things might get terrible. A US therapist once diagnosed this state as "depression," but actually, I need Downtime. It's not about fixing it or not fixing it.

Lately, I just switch off. Then good things start to bubble up in my head, heart, and body. Recently, something amazing came to me that way. Well, that's another story.

Downtime, I never rely on it, but it's a best friend that protects me and supports me.

### Share this:

- Share on Facebook (Opens in new window) 
  Facebook
- Share on X (Opens in new window) 
  X
- Share on WhatsApp (Opens in new window) 
  WhatsApp

### Like this:

Like  Loading…

### Leave a Comment Cancel Reply