# ここからの生き方
**Source:** https://taksanart.com/en/ここからの生き方
**Language:** English

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##### First step, then addition (and...)

Looking at paintings from 15 years ago, I suddenly think. At that time, I decided to become a painter, bought acrylic paints, brushes, and a canvas, and thought, 'Okay, let's paint,' but I just stood in front of the canvas. Nothing came out, lol. Of course.

But everything starts from there. Addition begins. Since there's nothing, I have to add. (bitter laugh).   
I didn't know any techniques, how to create ideas, or words, lol.

What I had was, I think, a proposal to myself from the bottom of my heart, 'This would be interesting to do!' even though I didn't know what it was. Not knowing anything is amazing, lol. It has the fun and fear comparable to a child playing with fire. At that time (I still remember), 'I will have a solo exhibition in NYC someday and meet various people' (I genuinely thought it was possible while watching the Basquiat movie). Amazing.

And I think I started painting with everything I had.

Perhaps not having anything was a happy thing. I could draw dreams freely. If I had gone to a place like XX University of Art, I might have conformed to the industry's rails of standardized rulers (a contradiction in a world that should be infinitely creative). In fact, someone from XX University of Art told me, 'You're not suited to be an artist, and it's not that easy,' and took away my energy. That's why I think so. (Actually, there was a time when I admired stories like 'I participated in a project through the introduction of Professor XX!' or 'I had an exhibition with celebrity XX!' and longed to meet famous people, but I think that step was one that someone else had already trampled many times. I'm glad I didn't go.)

A step I took myself. It was fortunate that I could truly believe that anything after that was secondary. I truly think that whether I quit my job or move overseas, one really cares, and one will be inconvenienced. It's me who will be inconvenienced, and if I use my wits to avoid being inconvenienced, I can manage. That's why this first step is always important.

I think there were downsides too. There were moments when I looked back and wondered if my one step was the thousandth. I had become a different person from when I took that first step, both in my way of thinking and feeling, and I was probably more prone to complaining (similar to how returnees might mock unique Japanese traits). I grew tired of my own unproductiveness, and hesitated to take the next step. There was a time like that. When I asked myself what I had accomplished by criticizing others, there was nothing to convince them (even though comparing myself to others was completely meaningless). I think I was also tired of the slowing pace of taking the next step.

So, and then... break it immediately

In such times, I think breaking the method from within myself was the key.   
If A doesn't work, even if A is a path I've actually built, I'll break A if necessary.   
From there, I start steps like B or C. I think this is good.

I wasn't afraid of this. Before, I dipped a toe into the very commercial art world of Los Angeles, and as galleries increasingly instructed me to paint pictures that would sell, and a few people in the industry started to recognize my name, I felt my freedom being taken away. I thought, 'I should paint the pictures I want to paint,' so I decided, 'Let's abandon the current style!' I decided I could even break my own name that had become known. (The gallery people were angry, haha.)   
I took the step of saying, 'I'm going to paint the pictures I want to paint, different pictures.'

That's right, but of course, at that time too,   
The same me from 15 years ago was there. I thought, 'Okay, let's paint,' but nothing came out.   
I just stood there in front of the canvas (lol)

But that's okay.   
I'll continue from here like this.

![2011 buffalo w](https://taksanart.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/09/Buffalo_w.jpg "ここからの生き方")

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