# 「死」など、死ね！ **Source:** https://taksanart.com/en/「死」など、死ね！ **Language:** English --- My best friend died in Japan a while ago. I lived my life with the program, 'You are a low-quality product. Therefore, at least devote yourself to others and your family.' (I had choice in this program). One of the reasons for challenging myself overseas and as an artist was a 'trump card' recovery strategy. At the time, the boat my family and relatives were on was sinking economically and relationally. Even scooping water out of the boat couldn't stop the sinking. So, I came up with this 'trump card' strategy as a last resort to do something for my family. Living in the US, I can't see the realization of my 'long-range weapon' strategy, and I feel anxious about that. If something didn't sit right with me, I'd pick a fight immediately. I was always constantly scanning my surroundings 360 degrees. I got married and my in-laws increased, and I was happy that it all led to the development of "family" = new happiness. However, the program of devoting myself to others became twice as active overseas, and I was flooring the accelerator even when I was running on fumes (as I realized later). And what I understood was that it was something I did on my own, and nobody cared. Therefore, nobody understood, nor was it necessary to. And then, a pushback. In the struggle of about 20 years, at some point, an uncontrollable energy emerged. It happened on its own. An inexplicable thought took over, saying, "Just stop everything you are!" I was truly troubled by this. At that time, my best friend died in Japan. Thinking of my daughter, I am a father, and I will absolutely continue to live. That's all. I thought so. I chose to continue living somehow; that was the only wisdom left. I remove myself from my environment like a UFO catcher, with self-liberation as the solution. I returned to Japan where I spent time with my best friend, and while recalling the fun times with him, I hoped for something. I tried to liberate myself, not for others. In retrospect (I had evolved and transformed in another world), Japan was already a foreign country to me, and my best friend who always listened to me was longer there. However, I might have been able to open the door to myself by spreading both my hands and feet alone. That was good. When I opened the door to myself, unnecessary values and extra things sometimes came in, but well, nothing is a zero-one binary. --- At that age, I was able to start Last year, I was hospitalized during Golden Week. Diagnosis: "Possibility of death. Emergency hospitalization." For the first time, I felt an emotion towards death. I had a different heart than before. Everything I am working on now, I can't stop any of it! Am I going to die like this? Ignoring the doctor's diagnosis, I carried out a self-compelled discharge the next day. Since then, I think this. It's a lie that life can only be lived once. I am alive, and I live by deciding to live many times every day. Of course, everyone might die only once, but I will live many times that surpass that one time. I am confident in the feeling that wells up within me that I will live many, many times with my wife and daughter. There is nothing to be gained by entrusting your life choices and path to death as a starting point. That's how it is. Good morning, everyone! I'm up early again to go to the gym. Have a good one, every one April 2024, 5:00 AM Tokyo, Japan ### Share this: - Share on Facebook (Opens in new window) Facebook - Share on X (Opens in new window) X - Share on WhatsApp (Opens in new window) WhatsApp ### Like this: Like Loading… ### Leave a Comment Cancel Reply