I suppose I'm the type of person who enjoys pretty much everything and works hard at various things.
When I was young, I was in the Boy Scouts, and I think I enjoyed that a lot too. The Boy Scouts, like the military, have ranks. You advance in rank by acquiring various skills. Sometimes I attended workshops on artificial respiration, first aid, artificial respiration, rope work, semaphore, trekking, map reading, and more. The practical training and knowledge acquisition are extensive. If you take it seriously, you can gain quite a few skills.
If you do all of that to a certain extent, you eventually have an interview and receive the highest rank. In Japan, there's the 'Kikushō' (Chrysanthemum Badge). In the US, it's called Eagle Scout, right? I earned that back then.
I don't know how to put it, but it suits my characteristics. The knowledge and experience I gained here have been useful in all sorts of situations, like my own injuries, family injuries, disasters, strange disputes with people that can happen anywhere, and general survival overseas...
Not to brag, but as a fact, I have extremely high survival skills. I've even saved the lives of strangers. Helping others is default. I have the knowledge and experience, but somehow, even in daily life, my antenna is always up. I might sleep lightly. If I hear a noise, I can instantly grab something I've already prepared and get into a defensive stance, or rather, I can respond immediately. (When I lived in America, especially in the ghetto areas of California, this was constant. I didn't feel much hardship or stress; it was at the level of a conditioned reflex.)
So, I've been thinking lately, 'What is my 'survival consciousness'?' I think about it while looking at news and photos on the internet, seeing many people suffering from war and disasters.
Survival doesn't mean going from minus to plus. Survival is from minus to zero. If I have the strength to go to plus, I help others go from minus to zero. That's my philosophy. As an artist, too, even if I didn't have money, I've traveled to underprivileged places around the world to share what I have with young people.
But I wonder... recently, there's been a bit of a change within me. First, I want to create a little more surplus within myself before sharing it with 'others' as needed. I've repeated cycles of either not being able to share what's fulfilling, fun, or mind-blowing when I'm stretched thin, or sharing it and becoming depleted myself. So I've been reflecting a lot.
So, for now, I've decided to spend some time indulging in my own thoughts and playing by myself.
You don't have to continue doing something just because you're good at it.
You don't have to do something just because you can. I'm thinking about choosing various things.
First, I want to try enriching myself.
I'm repeating these thoughts in my internal dialogue.
